IS BRIBERY MAKING A COMEBACK?

It’s good to see that the gentle art of bribery seems to be alive and well in the world of planning. 

But it’s got a little bit more subtle. Gone are the good old days when you slipped a brown envelope stuffed with used fivers to the Chair of Planning or the Chief Planner. 

Anecdotally Wales was a hotbed of this practice, and in the Emerald Isle, Prime Minister Charlie Haughey made his money by ‘rezoning’ farmland. Planning was never so easy. 

But we have to move with the times and where better to bring us into the modern world of bribery than the Principality itself? 

Here a resident was seemingly offered a night out at a lap dancing club in return for his (I presume but you never know nowadays) support. 

According to the minutes of Nelson Community Council near Caerphilly, South Wales: ‘A resident was offered cash and a night out at a lap dancing club.’

Seemingly it was all about a wind farm, but no one is owning up – surprise, surprise.

Bribery has been legitimised and is now called either a CIL or an S106 agreement and is all above board and transparent and agonisingly slow. Some call it blackmail but it depends on what side of the fence you’re sitting on.

But suppose we were to go back to the good old days, what other, ahem, incentives could we offer? I would suggest a sliding scale on the size and complexity of the scheme. 

The bar has been set by the proposed electricity generation in Caerphilly. So how about a house extension – say a slap-up meal at the locals’ curry house with unlimited beer?

A development of up to 30 units could be worth tickets to a premier league football match followed by a Chinese or Indian and possibly the lap dancing club afterwards. 

Schemes of around 300 units could involve a trip to Amsterdam to see how that city is coping with the many societal problems it faces such as drug use and red-light districts. Sampling would be discouraged.

Moving onto major schemes of 1,000 units or more, there would be an all-expenses paid week in Bangkok or Las Vegas (it is a New Town) to sample the historical and cultural delights as well as visits to new developments of architectural interest. 

It might certainly speed up the planning system.

Aaaaah for the good old days of the brown envelope.

Have a good weekend.

Tom