The problem is farting (sorry madam flatulence). Not from us humans – although I’ve noticed the occasional whiff around the office, especially after office parties.
Worldwide, animals produce five per cent of greenhouse gasses. In the UK – our humans and all their activities only produce one per cent of the global total.
So you can drive your Tesla, buy a heat pump and never travel by air and you do not even touch the problem.
But fear not. I can see a solution that would satisfy a number of pressure groups: let’s get rid of all the animals.
There would be whoops of joy from the vegetarian and vegans and the government would easily meet its net-zero swoop and we could all still fly to the Continent for our holidays.
But how about Jeremy Clarkson – who with his animals and high-powered cars – is, by himself, a major contributor to our greenhouse gasses? Not to mention, the rest of the farmers do not have lucrative side hustles with Amazon.
Not to mention the workers in the slaughterhouses. (Sorry Madam – those neat packages of beef you buy in Waitrose were once lovely moo-cows with doe-like eyes). Or those the frocking lambs – aren’t born with rosemary in their legs.
Pastures could be turned over to growing corn, wheat and other vegetables. But how about protein? This is where beans – a notorious source of flatulence – may have a role.
Tofu – I can’t stand the stuff – has plenty of protein that should solve the problem. Or there are other alternatives which involve all sorts of genetic engineering: it’s a huge research area and billions are being poured into it.
But people haven’t taken to these alternatives. One company – Beyond Meat – has seen its share price tank from a euphoric high of more than $200 to $6 where it languishes today. A bit like Coca-Cola, people want the real thing.
The politicians may be intent on driving us to Net Zero but until we take the bull by the horns, literally and metaphorically, we are p***ing in the wind.
Have a good weekend
Tom
by the Planning PR guru 